Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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