I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
