Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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