So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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