Non-Jews are for practice
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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