They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
