the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
