just tell him i said nine months
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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