If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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