uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
