Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
