Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
