In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
