i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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