I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
