"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
