i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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