you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
