I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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