left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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