So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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