today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
