T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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