did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
