Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
