yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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