it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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