WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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