it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
