Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
