What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How does one acquire holy water?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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