**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
