Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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