i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
