whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
