He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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