I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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