just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
