We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
