thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
