from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
