So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
