I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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