Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
