You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
