Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
