it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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