i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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