I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
