some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
