happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
