kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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