I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
