I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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