I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
