Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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