I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
