i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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