You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
