votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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