i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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