in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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