grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
