dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize