this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
