Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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