Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
